Rollercoaster ride

So I took the weekend off. From everything! Reading, writing, studying, talking, connecting. Perhaps I only stayed awake a quarter of the time. Sleep! Yes. I have always love sleeping. Not only I can rest, but I also get to hide away from this world for a short while.

I remember that year, when I was so sick I barely ate. It was summer and I only had chinese class in the morning. So I would wake up and go  to school, then go home and sleep til the next morning. Laid there, on the floor, no matress, no blanket. Me, a sedge mat, and a pillow -- on the floor. And I slept like that for about a week. I dont remmeber how, when, or what I ate. But I did lost 10 bls. After that I recovered from my sickness and then did not sleep as much. Well, after all summer ended and I also have afternoon Vietnamese class.

I like how you dont have to think when you sleep. You also dream. In your dream everything can happen .You can meet someone you have not seen for a very long time. You can do a lot of things you will never do in real life. Sometimes  you dont even dream. It's all black. It's like the world stopped turning for the time being and you get to be with yourself, in a very black cave. At that moment, it doesnt really matter who loves you or not, because there is only you in the world. Your existence didnt matter. Not matter at all.

I slept so much my eyes kinda hurt. I think they wouldnt want to close anymore. So I laid there, staring at the ceiling. I didnt think much.

This morning they called me on my cell phone .What a lively conversation they were having. But I felt unengaged. I felt like I am not a part of it. In fact, I am not a part of anything. Plus, I had to work. So I hung up. I hung up after listening for a while. I couldnt talk anyways. I felt better if I hung up than to listen  to things that I didnt really care about, or to hurt myself even deeper.

I am afraid of anything now. I just am.